Answer

Dear Saint in Need -

You're not alone.  The reason money becomes such a sticking point for many couples is that fiscal matters align very closely with trust issues.  Where there is greater trust, there is an increased likelihood of harmonious financial decision making.  And where trust is lacking...fiinancial disagreements increase exponentially.

I was recently watching a television program during which a football coach was discussing the fundamental principles upon which his team stands...dedication, heart, passion.  These foundational principles serve as a guide for evaluating overall team effectiveness and determining the progress of individual team members. 

I'm wondering if your marriage were to be considered a team what values you and your spouse have jointly agreed to uphold...I wonder if I were to sit with each of you separately if you would offer the same response on what these joint principles are.  I think it's important for you to go back to basics with your spouse with a conversation about the fundamentals upon which you stand and agree...This is the kind of conversation you'd have when things are going relatively well between you...not in the heat of a monetary disagreement. 

I recommend that you sit together as though you were reorganizing a corporation.  If you were Chief Exceuctive Officer and Chief Operating Officer of a company that was having a challenge in a particular area of operation and needed to regroup...you might bring in a strategic planning expert to assist you in  going back to basics...what is our company's mission statement, vision statement, guiding principles, what goals do we hope to achieve in the short and long term?  As a result of this conversation, you would have some give and take in your discussion of each of these areas and ultimately arrive at an agreement for how the company would move forward in each area.  These decisions would guide future opportunities and challenges that the company faced.  You would also revisit this conversation periodically to ensure that you still were in agreement about each area of consideration.

In the same way,  your marriage is the most important team you'll ever belong to and the most important business merger with which you'll ever be involved.  Treat it the same way.  (Check out my blog from January 4, 2009 - Let it go Already!)  Consider starting with a clean slate and bringing in an expert (a counselor, therapist, pastor, etc.) who might help you lay a foundation for how you'll approach issues of disagreement in your marriage moving forward...this will assist you with your finances and other areas as well.  The overall health of your marriage will undoubtedly improve as a result. 

Finally, consider the Apostle Paul's Words of wisdom in Ephesisans 4:1-2 (Amplified):  I therefore, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and beg you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God's service. Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another.

May God Bless your Marriage with Harmony and Love -

Dr. Kenya

Answer

Dear Elizabeth...

It sounds to me like you're like most of us...we have a vision for what we want in our lives but when those things are slow to materialize we become frustrated.  My prayer is that you will find the grace to truly let go and let God. 

Trusting God is an all or nothing proposition.  Just like a woman can't be "kind of" pregnant (she either is or she isn't)...we can't "kind of" trust God to meet our needs.  Whether he chooses to bring Mr. Right into to your life now or later, I am confident that He can enable you to find things to appreciate in your current situation.  At the same time, I am confident that He will give you strength to fully trust Him to do what's best for your life - in His timing. 

I also encourage you to pray that He will show you who you are in his sight and to live accordingly...not shutting yourself off from the world but living life in abundance.  The Word tells us that comparing ourselves among ourselves is not wise...the more time you spend focusing on what's missing from your life compared to what other seem to have the more frustration and despair you will experience.  He is well able to meet your needs and to enable you to live life to the fullest. 

Jeremiah 29:11 talks about his desires to give you a great hope and a future.  I can't wait to hear what He has on the horizon for you!  I'm praying that joy and peace will be yours as you continue to trust Him for every need that you face. 

Agape,

Dr. Kenya

P.S.  I also pray that you won't allow the enemy to keep you in a mindset of isolation.  There are other people who need you to step out of your current circumstance and into the world in order to share the great gifts God has placed within you.